I give you a story of misery and a mullet!
I have always hated my hair. It’s unruly, wild and crazy much like me. Over the last several years it has been falling out in handfuls making the evil mop even more unmanageable. Over the last few months though it has started to grow back and not fall out as much and I was just starting to maybe have to potential for not horrible hair. Well, that all ended tonight!
How bad could it be it’s only an inch or two?
I was on the couch running my fingers through my hair and was sad about my dry ends and came up with the genius plan to just trim it off. How bad could it be it’s only an inch or two? I clearly didn’t learn from Tommy’s haircut disaster from a few months ago when I shaved off his eyebrow or maybe this was some sort of predestined reaping what I sowed.
This is how it went down
This is how it went down …I pulled my hair up like you would for a ponytail and then moved my fingers down until I felt the dead ends then hollered for Bella. Because you know who is better to cut your hair than the moody 12-year-old with a pair of Fiskar scissors. After the quick cut I felt free, lightened and like I had made a good choice then I look over at my husband.
The man I love, the one who’s children I have bore from my loins is clearly holding back laughter and when I meet his gaze he starts laughing and says the horrible word “Mullet”! It sounded like a swear word, the word hurt me as it hit my ears, I physically felt a pain in my chest. I panicked and denied saying “No! No! No! It can’t be!”
I demand he takes pictures and when he shows me I know the awful truth that it is real and true. I start crying he keeps laughing, the more I cry the more he laughs , the children come out of their bedrooms to see what is happening between sobs I yell at them to go back to bed.
I get out of the shower and to my horror, it’s real, I have a mullet!
I decided that maybe taking a shower will somehow fix it. I was desperate believing that some how shampoo would magically make my hair grow. In hind sight that was a lot to believe for some Pantene I grabbed on a clearance deal but I was desperate for a miracle. As I lather the shampoo all I feel is the white trashness of my new do. No miracle for me just misery! I get out of the shower and to my horror, it’s real, I have a mullet!
This is when between sobs I start becoming even more irrational – because someone who cuts their own hair is clearly already somewhat irrational I just peaked at irrationalness when I asked more like emotionally vomited at my dear husband Kellee “Why didn’t you stop me?! You want me to be a good wife but you won’t be a leader and stop me from cutting my own hair!” Like some how this was his fault, it was like grief and this was the blame stage.
I called my mom who tried her best to make me feel better telling me that it can be fixed I won’t be a white trash poster child forever I can get a cut that is less redneck. We decided it was Summer’s fault and I had some sort of heat crazies that made me do it. Now I hate summer even more and I will be rocking a bun until I am no longer a Billy Ray Cyrus look alike.