A deal too good to pass up!

So I bought Kellee and I Sonicare toothbrushes on a great Cyber Monday deal with some Kohls Cash I had and today they arrived. If you have never used a Sonic Care toothbrush let the following be a warning!

I was so excited for this toothbrush I have seen the commercials how great and amazing they are and I like to take care of my teeth. So the amazing deal and Kohls cash combo seemed like a dream come true.

I have owned electric toothbrushes in the past and was prepared for the tickling vibrations or so I thought. Kellee asked if I read the instructions to which I mocked “I know how to use a toothbrush!” Thinking how complicated can it be. So tonight before bed I say let’s try our new toothbrushes at the same time! We have been married 13 years and these are the things you have left to bond over after 13 years of living with the same person. We both put the toothpaste on and start a countdown 3…2..1 and OH MY GOODNESS what is happening!

Transported to a world of discomfort I didn’t know existed.

I am suddenly and completely overwhelmed and confused by what is happening in my mouth. While on the verge of passing out from sensory overload the first sense to kick in is sound. It sounds like a jet airplane taking off inside my head. It was insanely loud! The next thing I notice is the torturous feeling of one billion vibrations be per second or whatever it is, my lips have retreated so far away from my teeth I wasn’t aware that a face could contort in such a way.

Then I notice the drooling! My mouth is creating more spit in these few horrific moments than it has in the last thirty years of my life! It is like a garden hose of drool, I feared the sink would overflow. My entire body is convulsing like a seizure. I become aware enough of my body in time and space to scream out (with the toothbrush still in my mouth ) to Kellee asking if they are broken sure something must be wrong this isn’t how they are supposed to work and feel!

He is totally unaffected!

I can see through the tears pouring out of my eyes that he is standing there completely still like a robot brushing his teeth. He is completely unaffected by the tsunami of sensation taking place in his mouth. I, however, am now sweating, one as a natural response to fear and unfamiliar circumstances and two from convulsions that have now turned into jogging in place. I endure this torture for two whole minutes, thanks to the handy dandy timer that comes with this hell wand of a toothbrush.

After it stops and I can hear and my vision returns to normal I look in the mirror thinking that my teeth may be gone, or invisible because they have gotten so clean and as I looked I swear to you they looked different not different as in cleaner but different as in shaped differently and now farther apart. I can’t explain this witchcraft maybe it’s because the massive jet engine of power shook something in my brain that has altered my view of reality.

All I know is it was awful and I have to do it two times a day until it dies or I do!