Delusions of family togetherness

I am taking Bella to the library tonight to get some chapter books because I have failed her as a parent and she is a grade level behind in reading (Tommy is more than a grade level ahead so I guess that can even out).

I was telling Kellee we should go as a family together to the library ( I was thinking it will be like a full house episode we will all find books and quietly snuggle in over-sized chairs and all come out with a new passion for reading and on day one of the children would grow up to be a librarian and would say at graduation from college “It was that time my mom made us go to the library as a family” everyone would say “ahhh” look at me and all my failures as a mother would melt away and my life would be worth living).

Bitter Reality Check

Kellee’s response was “Oh yeah let’s take our four children somewhere where they are expected to be quite. That won’t be a nightmare.” I am so happy my husband keeps my delusional mind in check.

The reality of the four children clawing and fighting over picture books is not something I had considered. There is a reason I have a TV in my car, and I have Minecraft on my phone. It’s not because I love me some Craft, and we don’t watch documentaries/educational programming on our way to national monuments. It’s because the second those children get somewhere they are expected to be quiet they turn into screaming fighting masters of psychological warfare.

Masters of psychological warfare.

They specialize in “I’m not touching you”, Booger wiping, sudden shouts and exclamations, quiet threats of bodily harm resulting in loud crying and tattling, or making a high-pitched hum and then pretending it wasn’t you until Dad goes crazy, followed by being appalled that we would accuse them of being anything but a delight during this magical car ride.

four and no more


Putting them in a place where you are to be quiet and act civilized is going to turn into a “Give me that book! I was looking at that! I’m not touching you! MOM, HE’S PRETENDING TO TOUCH ME! MOM, SHE’S PRETENDING TO STAB ME! MOM, THIS BOOK HAS PRIVATES IN IT! MOM, WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM?!?” nightmare.

Maybe one day we will have our educational Full House moment. However, that day is not today.